fears

Feb. 8th, 2012 07:49 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
[personal profile] nirvelli_lynn
Had a dream last night... scared the hell out of me. I lost my mum. This is truely my worst fear. I know it's just a dream, but it was one of those that haunts you a bit. I woke up at 2:30 am and was able to keep myself calm and logical. After about an hour or two, I was able to fall back asleep. This morning I'm a bit more emotional as the processing takes place. I know I'm okay. I know she's okay. I just don't handle dealth well. In part, because I've only ever really delt with the death of one person who was very close to me, my grandmother.  I realize how lucky I am. While other family members have passed, thus far that has been the closest and most affecting. I don't know that I really know/understand how to process death, and I think that is the problem, particularily if it's someone close to me. I think that is why I fear it so much. I can't even talk about dealth without crying. I don't fear my own death. That's silly. I'm gone. Don't get me wrong, I want to live, but don't fear my death. I'm simply scared of losing people close to me. 

Ironically this has been a key topic in my therapy sessions, which I have about every other week. And I have therapy this morning at 9. That's good I think. I realize that it's okay to fear the loss of those close to you. I just know that my fear is a bit overwhelming at times.   
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