nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
[personal profile] nirvelli_lynn
I have issues severing ties. It's simply not something I'm really good at. If ties fade away, I can handle that typically a lot better simply because I have the ablity to restablish them if I chose to. Typically it takes me years to get used to severed ties. As such, its not surprise to me that every once in awhile Naomi comes back into my thought processes typically triggered by some random memory or, more often, some physical thing that has some connection to her. Cleaning out the hyundai, I found an old journal she gave me.

Last January, she emailed me a letter (I never replied) basically apologizing. To an extent, this letter was expected as she had stated she would send me something of an explaination, though the letter was received over year later. It was a pretty poor letter. Not in the sense she said mean thing... She actually tried to say things that were meaningful and tried to explain that she knew she screwed up and lost a friend ..blah blah blah..  While it may been an attempt at "heart felt" it failed pretty epically. None of it was of much of value so it was kinda easy to simply ignore the letter.

However, every once in awhile I google her just to get the urge for contact out of my system. 

Today I'm kinda entertained. Apparently she's getting bashed on her local craigslist for starving her horses and scamming people (obviously I'm not entertained by this, but simply that she is getting called out publicly for her behavior). I think this the reason I do follow her on occasion. I need to remember. I have this inherant part of me that wants to forgive and move on and I want to believe that people can change. The tough part is that not everyone does change. Thus, I occasionally need to know that she doesn't.That she won't. I think I just like the reasurance from the looking glass once in awhile. And over time, I know her absence won't be missed.

As to the journal, I've never really known what to do with it. I hate throwing away a blank book and all that paper, but didn't want it either. And I really didn't want it in my home. So, I ripped off the binding, threw away the personal note, and now have scrap paper for my office. It works.
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September 2012

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