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Today I moved... a lot.  I helped [profile] enigma1434move, and then went back to Owosso and got a lot moved out of my house... I called mom on the way and asked for her I really don't think its a great idea to be there alone as I just get emotionally overwhelmed way too easily. I was also in a very 'on task' mood today and knew it would be a good day to do so... even though it was entirely unplanned. So... much more is moved out. This is good.  I have to get things out of there soon... esp since Kate is supposed to move in soon, at the end of the month. We worked out a scenario where basically she gets month to month rent, and we get to reduce our mortgage for a few months. Kate needed a place to stay and since she's working in Owosso, it makes sense. Also, since she's going back to school she couldn't sign a year or even 6 month lease (esp since it costs so much more with only a 6 mo lease) and we are able to go month to month. The only catch is... if the house sells within the next few months, she'll have to find something else that works, so it's a bit of a shot in the dark on her part... and I honestly still really want the house to sell. That is the goal in anycase... but if it doesn't... we at least can afford it a bit more... 

I know I need the break financially... and it's gonna allow me to pay more off on my credit. My goal is to go back to school next year...and I can't do that with either the house or the debt since I'll be living on a students income... So I have to get this taken care of... now.   

So basically... keep your fingers crossed.

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 I'm glad that I'm moving out the house soon... it's still hard for me to be there. The only place I actually feel at ease, is my room. Everytime I walk into the kitchen, in particular, my anxiety goes up... and the thought of having to pack up my things and move out... just overwhelms me. I've realized that I can't do it just me in the house, packing things up. It's too much. I know I need to be heavily involved and it's not something I can just hand off to some mover or something... but I can't do it alone. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to get my clothes moved over to mom's, and seperated so I can have some stuff at Casey's and such... but... that's about all I can handle... alone. 

I walk into the kitchen... and it has so much potency... Erica and I did so much there... I did so much there... the remodeling of the kitchen while she was gone was such an amazing and positive experience because so many people were involved... and helped... to make the house, Ours. She and I cooked so much... and enjoyed cooking... so much. I just walk back into that room... and can't function. And its sad... because I miss cooking... Yet I can't do it there... at all. Everytime I look at the stove, I see Erica and I making a stirfy... and I remember the joy of that simple experience... because we both enjoyed that.  And I just... can't. I just can't do it anymore... because now I want to start cooking again... but still don't feel like I have a home... or even a place to do it. One of the memorable moment while at Nicole's was cooking with her... I think we were just cooking pasta... but I enjoyed that.  I just .. miss cooking. And the kitchen is kinda a trigger that works against that.

I know the change is good... but it still doesn't make it any easier to do. 

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Well... the good part is that the garage sale is over AND it was a huge success. I guess on average, a garage sale brings in like $300... we brought in (as a group) four times that. :) Yeah for the best garage sale EVER! I made enough to cover the cost of my GMAT plus buy a new pair of jeans... which are sorely needed since the only pair that kinda fits me... (and are still baggy) have a torn knee. Yay for shopping!

So, life is good. :)

We did have one major event which involved a women in spandex... Carrie so wisely stated... "If you have an ass in the front and in the back... you shouldn't be wearing spandex..." *grin* And seriously, I'm not a judge of character based on fashion sense... (I wouldn't have had friends for quite a few years had that been the case...*smile*) But when your personality matches your outfit, something is seriously wrong. She kept barganing me down over $0.25!!!! I was like 'seriously women...if you need the damn quarter that bad... I'll pay you for taking this shit.' I really didn't say that... But she kept asking for lower and lower prices... like 1/4 of the cost listed... She kept yelling the prices to her mother who was in the car, "Now they want $1.00 for it!" Then she decided to buy none of it and left! As she was storming off, I remarked loudly "Thank you for putting your things away." Her response was "You're welcome." I dunno... but yeah... a black t-shirt over cream colored TIGHT spandex (really...I could see her underwear line in front and back... and she was little by NO means... )I think my father, not to mention the rest of us... was severely traumatized. ;) There was one family who was there during all of it... they eventually came to pay and I stated it was a quarter for the book... the one daughter just looked at me dead-pan and said, "What? It isn't free?" She broke into a smile and we all laughed. *grin*

So it was memorable if nothing else. It was good... I wouldn't do it again for a few years... as mom said, maybe right before I leave for school in two years... Cause it is a lot of work. This one was worth it. We had a lot of high ticket item that got a lot of attention. The first day was the best and I am completely exhausted. My house is kinda trashed and I know I won't get to cleaning it for awhile cause... well... I've been home more this weekend than I have in months. It was a good thing, but I would like an escape. ;)

But all in all... I feel good after this weekend. I feel really good.


Sep. 1st, 2007 08:11 pm
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Foodage has occured and I feel a lot less tired. I am now sitting at my computer at home with a small glass of wine, and plan to later watch the 4400. I had an invite to go socialize and watch Grey's Anatomy... but I know I really need processing time tonight... to just "be".

This morning the garage sale set up began at 6:30am... we were open by 9, and our garage sale kicked ass. We brought in between $800-$900 on or first day. :) Not bad...not bad. *grin*

Erica came at around 9:30. I knew she was coming... and knew it would be hard. As much as I know that the path our lives are on... is a good thing... it is still hard sometimes. Today we separated finances, permanently. We both know that certain things will take time to get out of our names and into one... actually... it's more of a factor that Erica will refinance the car to her name, and take on the windows loan. I will take on the debt we accrued together with mom. All in all, I think we both ended up with a good deal and we are both comfortable with the results. We wrote up an agreement and signed it. We also discussed the house and how we should approach any maintenance and repairs, or remodeling for the sake of resale. Basically, we both know we need to keep costs down, but we will split everything 50/50 in regards to the house. We stopped by mom's to copy the documents, and mom signed off the debt to me. Having mom, erica & I all in the same room was the hardest... I think we all started to break a little...

After getting back to the house, I stated that I thought we should open up the bottle of wine that she'd given to me for Christmas... She stated that I should wait for a special event... my eyes started to tear up... and I finally was able to say... "it is." It was so hard... being so distant from someone who was once so close. Because, though we huged, we couldn't comfort eachother... we both knew that we needed to maintain distance; create new barriers. So... we just toasted... neither one of us could talk... I finally just said... "to what words can't express". The wine was good... it's the wine that I'm drinking now... and yes, it's still good.

It's just hard... because I miss her. I don't want what we had. And I'm glad, as difficult as this path has been, that I am in the place I am at. That she is in the place where she is at.

But... I still miss her in my life. And I care about her. And I really want the best, for both of us.

But I also am glad... that we both are finally moving on. Even though it hurts. It is a good thing. And we both know it.
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So the search is on... *sigh*

Sadly, the first one is denyed... I think I'd have too many people concerned for my safety... criminal record... wants a rifle in the house... and has anger issues... umm... well... hopefully we can just go up from here.


Aug. 9th, 2007 08:52 am
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We finished the basement yesterday so everything is divided except for the bins in foyer. There is a walk through tonight (actually there was a communication error and Tuesday's walkthrough is actually today). But the house looks a lot more cluttered than it did before.  So that kinda sucks. But still...hopefully it has an appeal.  

The good thing is that the sorting is nearly complete. I have about 10 bins in the foyer that need to be sorted. Once that is finished... it's done.  The nice thing is that life will be really easy when Erica's sister comes cause we basically just need to haul a bunch of things out to cars, and that's it. And that totally rocks.

I worked out this morning at the gym, and once again I realize that mornings are not a good workout time for me... my bp is just too low to handle it, and I'm kinda tired and just blah this morning. It doesn't vitalize me in the mornings... afternoons I'm great. And working out feels great...  

I also need to drink a lot of water this morning because I'm just feeling.. "puffy".  I'm also gaining weight and need to stop. It's time to start monitoring my behaviors again... like... writing down what I eat. 

On an upnote...Tonight is dinner with Jess. Yay!!!


Aug. 8th, 2007 01:44 pm
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Yesterday I avoided going home again by going to Grand Rapids to kidnap Steve...actually, Mom was the primary person who insisted on the kidnapping... She requested that Steve come help today with the packing/separating of the house. I'm glad she asked... asking is hard, and I tend to not do it... We went to mom's and had a bottle of wine with Mom & Dadra. I finally crashed aroud 2am and litterally hit the pillow and zonked out. Not complaining. 

Today I got up and Mom & Steve came and got me and we ate at the 401 and then went to Meijers to get the WICKED soundtrack. :)  We also got a various artist gospel album and christian rock album... don't ask what got into me... I dunno. I think I just knew/know I need more upbeat and positive music right now... cause me and the depression... well, I'm trying to stave it off.  We went back to the house and got to work. We got the entire upstairs and main floor all set, and now just have the basement... it's actually a bit easier than I expected...but I know it's easier because they are there... If I was by myself... I couldn't do it. And I know that. 

As much I've been kinda reclusive, I need my Steve & Dadra... and others in my inner circle... They are my light when I don't have lantern when I get lost and simply can't see my way ahead.  I need to remember this more. They are the people who add to me... who complete me... and I need to realize I need more of them... especially right now...  
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This week has been an emotional-basketcase-Tera week so far. I'm not doing well. Yesterday's trigger was Meredith leaving. She was offered a job in Florida and took it. It made me realize a lot of things...

Sistrum has been a major part of my life for the past 5 years... and Meredith is Sistrum to me... the director creates both the music and the enviroment... We all joined in that creation... but She was the director of it... and it's hard to imagine anyone else up in front of us. Meredith also joined Sistrum a year before me... so we were both very new... and I alwasy thought that when she would leave, so would I... I don't know why I paralleled my life with hers in that way... I think just because I couldn't see anyone else up there... But... I have two more years here... I don't think I'll be leaving Michigan anytime sooner...

That was my trigger... another loss. The house... well, we have another walk through tonight. That is 4 in less than a week. I hope we have an offer... because... I need to be out of there... This is just really hard. Every time I walk into a room and have to think about packing... seperating... moving... it just overwhelmes me. And I'm not doing well. I think the hardest thing is... while I know Erica is doing her best to help from VA... by offering her family and such... I am the one who emotionally has to deal with all of this... and that is so fcuking difficult.
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I get claustrophobic every once in awhile at the house... when I think about everything that has to be done... separated out. I walked into the kitchen and just looked around... walked upstairs... and while most of the things that are left, are mine... or will be gotten rid of... sorting through all of it... makes my anxiety go a bit haywire. I want to get a lot of it done before Erica's sister comes, because there will be so many people... and... just me... and... I'm going to have be directing... and answering the question "whose is this" so much... It's gonna kill me, and I know it. I mean, the separation is hard enough. I know I need help. And it's not that her sister isn't. I just... I asked for help, from those I could ask... but, the only person who comes forward is family, my mom. Gods Bless her... because... I can't do this alone. I'm trying. I've sorted some things... I went through a year of receipts on the house tonight... calculating in case we get a bid and I need to counter... We spent so much on the house... not to mention the time... I can't wait to be done. I so need to be done. Because... I still refer to things as a "we" because I'm here... and I catch it every time... I'll be hanging out with friends and refer to a "we" that doesn't exist... And I don't mean to. And it's not the relationship that I refer but because we did so much with the house... and it really was a "we" that invested into it... I'm like... stuck in this nebula or vortex... and I'm on the edge of it.. because I do have so much of a life outside of this house... But, until it's gone... and everything is done with it... I'm not done... I'm stuck and still pulled back into it... back in to a we... reminded of everything that was... constantly. No wonder I hate this place. I just want to be rid of the weight.
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Last night was softball, coffee and harry potter. I was supposed to be at Harry at 9ish, but made it around 10:30. Dadra has more devotion than I ever thought possible, and was in line by 6:30... we were first in line needless to say... however, by the time I arrived, the line litterally went outside the theatre about 200 yards, all the way to the street. The movie was good, better than I expected actually. Much less depressing than the book. And I got to bed before 3am which was nice.

Softball was good. It was close game though we lost in the end. I was going to go out with the team to the "5" but I call from Kate who needed to talk. We met at Wired and I stayed longer than I intended, but it was needed. She left feeling better and I could see that she was better. Good.

Today I have a meeting at 6pm with Katie W. Mom should be there too... Mom seems a bit more edgy/neurotic than usual, but we do well in professional mode so it will be good. I may need to mow my lawn today... if not, it will need to happen this weekend.

I also lowered the price of the house... so that is done. And canceled the open house... I just wasn't ready. I know it's not about me and what I have... but I want the house to look nice and there is too much stuff I need to go through (the boxes in the living room). Perhaps this weekend since I'm not going up north. Yes... Saturday. Maybe I'll ask Dadra for help.

I'm also still a bit angry with Erica... apparently... since talking about the house and sorting (in reference to her not being there/helping) I tend to get angry. It's so wierd because I don't do anger... So wierd... I wish I could make it all go away... the anger... Oh well... I just hope that I can get rid of this whole situation with the house soon... because dealing with it all... is difficult... and sometimes draining.

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I am currently updating from my office upstairs at my HOUSE! I now have DSL :) Yeah!

Gas Leaks

Apr. 22nd, 2007 12:32 pm
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This morning my mom and Laurene came over to see the house. Laurene hadn't seen it yet. She loved it...   

But when mom and her went into the basement, they smelled gas... Apparently I have a gas leak. Consumers came and located the leak and shut off all the gas to my house since there was no other way... so I don't have hot water until this is fixed. Thankfully all that runs on gas is the furnace (and its 80 degrees today) and the hot water heater... apparantly I'll be showering at moms for a few days. 

I text messaged Erica so she would know what was going on. She called me shortly after to make sure everything was ok.  (she doesn't really text much ... though I'm working to convert her.)  We talked for about 10 minutes and hung up.  It was good. 

So tomorrow I call someone to fix the furanace valve... let's see how long before they can come out...
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All the drywall on the house is up. Yesterday I more or less collapsed. Erica got home very late on Sunday morning so she slept in until I finally dragged her out of bed at noon. I basically read for a few hours waiting for her to get up. (And then got bored and impatient.) I did managed also get laundry done somehow this weekend which was much needed. 

I might actually get a whole week of work in this week. The first week since.... a while. We had several meetings last week on the project and we'll see what happenes. This week we've got some follow up to do and some basic office type stuff. Including cleaning up my desk. 

Casey is mudding sometime today. Then we get to wait for it to dry, then mud, then dry then mud, then dry.... It's like 3 hours of work and then a day of waiting. But I still think we're on schedule and we should be painting by this weekend and hopefully fully paintED by next week. 

The big task is picking out paint. I have several people to call on including couchman who helped with the kitchen (which I love). Couchman is coming over on Thursday for both work on the RFI website and fun stuff. Yesterday we got some basic ideas for what we want, and I'm definitley liking it. But it would be great to get another eye, plus he'd be good to help pick out highlight colors.
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Tomorrow I'm taking the day off work to help Casey put up... guess what... DRYWALL!!! Yeah! This means we will soon have walls and thus soon be finished with the front two... get it... TWO Rooms!!! WOOOOT! Can you tell I'm excited about this? The drywall was delivered today and most of the insulation has been put up. (So now we will actually *have* insulation!) This weekend I think we can decide on the paint (and do all the interior design planning!) that matches the artwork. I should take pictures for my scrap book actually... hmmm. Maybe I'll do an early morning coffee run and stop by my mom's house.... This is so awesome. :)
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So tonight we prime the "library" and Sunday we paint it. :) Yeah! We've decied we're gonna officially "Move-in" upstairs. It's been really hard not having anywhere to put stuff. So it's time to get all that done. I'm gonna unpack some books, games and lot of other misc. stuff once we get the room all set. Yeah! We SO need to do this.

We're also gonna talk to Jim about the electric
Call on the plumbing (still having issues) but they'll come back for free
Find out about the insulation and what option we're gonna take (take down walls and new drywall vs blown in insulation)

It's a house weekend... plus I'm going to my grandmother's 80th birthday party on Saturday. Erica works.
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And still a bit tipsy. I actually went to bed at 10:30 but woke up 20 minutes ago and am unable to sleep now. Hmm... I could go work on the house more...

Lemmie esthplain. ;)

Couchman reappeared in mom's & my life again yesterday. We'd been expecting it so it was no surprise. He's finally doing well again for the first time in 3 years and it was nice to see that. After a long history with him, it's nice to be back to square one. So we updated him on all the business stuff and then decided to head over to my house to show it off. He loves it. We were gonna paint the kitchen cabinets... but instead ended up totally changing plans, and got really deep into remodeling them. We tore off all the front covers to them and took off all the doors. The front covers were this "cheap siding-like" wood (like the crap that's in the living room) that they'd glued to the front. Why they did this I have no clue but the people who lived here really messed up the house... poor house. So I tore off all the wallpaper in the back of the cupboards (when the put up the cupboard in the 1960's, they just put them up over the wallpaper and painted the wallpaper) and mom & couch got all the handles off the drawers. We worked on the house for at least 8 hours but I wasn't keeping track so who knows, could have been more. The kitchen looks better already. I have to clean the cupboards thuroughly (wow.. didn't really that was such a tough word to spell), sand the outside cabinets, tear down the rest of the wallpaper in the kitchen and paint. A lot of paint.

Casey is gonna paint the bedroom, so I've got to get that ready and also, we've figured out how to do the bedroom window. We need to "antique" it. This basically involves sanding it down a bit so you can get a bit of the original wood grain, painting and then varnishing it. Mom's gonna help me with the selecting of the paint & varnish since I have no clue what I'm talking about. Basically, all my spare time this week goes towards the house. (Nikki, I know the window was kindof "your" project, do you want to work on this with me?) Mom is also gonna help whenever she can. My rule was, we can do anything, as long as it's done by the time Erica gets home on the 17th. This weekend is major house weekend. Oh! and I selected a paint (with a bit of help from Couchman). We're gonna paint the inside wall of the kitchen cabinets "Apple Crisp" which is nice warm orangie color. All the walls will also be painted this color. The cabinets and all the highlights are white and the ceiling is gonna be "Chai Tea" which is a tan color. I think Erica will love this. It also matches the rest of the drawers which are an orangish tint of wood. I'm gonna get pictures of the current stage today so I can eventually make a scrapbook of the progress. I really hope Erica likes this... I'm moving on the house in a major way that not even I expected. But, if she doesn't like it, we can just repaint the walls since the ceiling and white create a lot of color options. But I think she'll be pleasently surprised.

I've also made a decision on the trim. We're gonna match the current 8" oak trim that lines the front rooms and replicate that throughout the rest of the house. that's gonna cost a bit since it's custom work and expensive wood, but we can just do that when we're ready. In the meantime things are looking really good. I'm really happy with this house. And I hope, Erica likes what I'm doing with it in the meantime.

Almost forgot, Couchman also got us a housewarming gift. A ceiling fan for the kitchen! Yeah! I'm hoping Jim & Casey can put it up seeing that I'm completely electrically inept. Electric scares me.

So this was a very productive weekend! Yeah. It's nice to have such a large project while Erica is gone. I think if we'd been at the apt, I would be missing her terribly. I miss her, but I'm so glad I have things to preoccupy me so I'm not a mopy girl.

Erica called me today from Santa Cruz. She's doing great. They were going whale watching today and had already seen a seal and an otter at the aquarium. I'm so glad she's she's having fun. She missed me though. I could hear it in her voice. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to her longer than 4 minutes next time. She's calling on pay phones since her cell doesn't work. I just want her to have an awesome adventure out there. I think they travel to Yosemite tomorrow and then on to white water rafting on Friday. I kinda wish I was able to do this with her, but know that both of us are exactly where we need and want to be. I can't wait to hear more about her trip in detail.
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Yesterday I went to Grand Rapids for a therapy (t(x)) and then met Steve. His roommates were having a party and I'd accepted an invite to go. We went to eat at a really yummy italian place. He lives very close to where I go for t(x) which is kewl to know. The party was ok. One lesbian amidst a bunch of drag queens.... Oh and of course there were screaming children. (The roommate's daughter has 4 kids. Thankfully only 2 were there.) Yeah, wasn't really thrilled by the few straight people there. So I hung out and discussed drag. I also met JJ a guy who really likes Steve. Nice guy. Little clingy but nice. We'll see if/how that goes. I got a sore throat as the night got later and today I'm at the beginning of a cold. Personally, I don't care what they say, I think I got the dog's cold. So my head a bit full, my throat is sore, and I'm thinking about a nap before heading over to Jim/Nikki's for D&D. Jim also came by and trimmed my trees today. Wasn't expecting that! Wow. I also went fence searching today. I've decided that we need a fenced/kennel area for the dog. She really needs to be outside. Poor thing has to potty 3x a day and there's just no way I can accomodate that... So I went to True Value, Carters, TSC, & Home Depot. Unfortunately all I need is about 15-20 feet of fensing... and it's only sold in 50 ft. HD had the cheapest door while TSC had slightly cheaper fensing. I also need to find someone who has a "hole-digging" device for the one pole that I need. I think this will work, and we'll be able to leave the front yard "free" while have a medium sized kennel in the back. Erica's gonna come home to a few changes which is good.

Carrie is giving me an entertainment system and more silverware on Monday. Casey & I are gonna talk about paint/trim tomorrow, and maybe a little help with the fence. And Jim is gonna stop by sometime to look/help with the outlets that are a bit "hazardous."

I have a lot of work to do... yikes. But right now, I'm gonna go fight this cold with more sleep.
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We will not be closing, as planned, Tomorrow. There is a very slight chance that we will be able to close Friday. We are trying to extend the contract to August 8th, but the buyer has a very strong threat to withdraw from the contract entirely and put the house back up on the market.

So far, I'm in "pause" mode. I'm done freaking out (and the freakout was only internal nerves and slight external quivering of my hand. Now, I'm just going with it. What will be, will be. And if they end up being complete *@#$ers over this, *sigh* that's just fine. I'm going with the philosophy that things are meant to be. And besides, worse case scenario, Erica has plans for Devil's Night. *smile*


Jul. 27th, 2005 10:37 am
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*slightly insane giggle*

My relator & I have spoken several times today... included discussion topics have been Title work, the bank, filing extensions in the case we don't close by the 29th, financial and legal reprecussion if the seller doesn't sell, etc.


So yes, the seller has mentioned pulling out of the contract. Isn't that great!

My gut says this will all work out so I'm not truely freaking out. But damn this is a bitch on the nerves. (I mean truely, is completely normal in negotations? Don't seller typically *want* to sell their house?)

*shrug* It will be fine. But I definitley have my eyes on the bottles of wine downstairs...


Jul. 21st, 2005 08:52 am
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Closing date is currently set for July 28th. There are a few glitches that need to be worked out yet. Kelly, the realator is working on this. (Our loan agent is really for shit. Kelly has done a lot of his work and really been the one pushing this through.)

We get possession at closing. *smile*

Schedule next week is:
Close 28th
Pack apt 29th
Move in to the house(!) 30th
Clean apt 31st

Offically moved out of apt complex.... August 1st. ;)


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