nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
So... I realized I should really stop neglecting my journal. :)

Today mom and I are working on getting stuff done in the office, and later Kate is coming over to go over more office to-do stuff and all that jazz.

Tonight I have dinner with Larisa and Rich at the WIG here in Owosso, and then Steve is coming to town so I'm really excited to see him.

Tomorrow is Steve-Dadra-Tera Day and we'll be hanging out at Dadra's all day watching movies and playing games. (Dadra just had total knee construction surgery last Tuesday so its all inside/sit down play for us)

Sunday I really need to work on my paper and then I have softball practice in the evening...I may also try to stop by Beer Ball to see Casey play. :) 

Next week is realativly calm... I have a game on Tuesday... and that's it for the social stuff... so I'll be packing/sorting/writing my paper most of the week...

Nao arrives on Aug party/last night in MI is on the 31st... and we head out the 1st.

I'm really getting excited about the whole dorm life... Yesterday I spent the evening drawing my dorm room in chalk on the driveway. I've decided to get a loft and have the entire layout of my dorm already set. (WHOO!) I also decided that the only extra furniture I need is a futon which will sit on the floor/against the wall like a floor couch, and bookshelves to fit underneath the loft.  I even know when Malcom is gonna go!

Drawing on the sidewalk was really fun and really helped me decide what goes where. I think the only question I have about the loft bed.. is what does one do with the bed frame?  
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Life keeps moving... and I'm hanging in there.  So many things to update...

1. UM - Flint advising screwed me over and I was told that no, I would not be graduating and that I am 15 credits short as they only transfered 90 credits from my first degree (AT UM -Flint!) So I have another 15 credits of nothing I need in order to graduate. I am now taking 2 classes on Tuesday/Thursdays til the end of June. They are cake-walk classes which is good, but still take me out of my office 2 days/week and yes, I do have homework...even for 200 level classes. That sucks.

2. I'm attempting to transition my office for my leave... Yeah...that's easy.... *rolls eyes*

3. I still have a 30 page paper to write for my independant study with Adam last semester.

4. Softball started. It's going well.

5. Sistrum concert is this week. That means Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday are all Sistrum nights

6. The 'Rent's party is still on... and I've no idea how I'm gonna pull this off. But I will

7. Mom and I moved the rest of the crap out of the house and it's nearly ready for the renters. Renters move in June 1.

8. Naomi...

9. I'm leaving Michigan August 1. I'll be taking the train to Colorado, spending a few days on a ranch, and then Nao will be driving me the rest of the way out to Pullman. I also decided to live in the dorms my first year. I'm really happy with that decision.

10. I'm still in shock at the way life is turning out... so many changes... so fast... and so much I don't know. What I do know... is that my focus is and must remain on school. For now this means preparing to move and getting myself ready...even if I know absolutely nothing about what I'm walking into. I'm still intimidated by my lack of knowledge about the program. I feel like I'm walking in blind... In many ways I am, having never seen the school, knowing so little about the program, and knowing no one out there.  But... I'm ok with that. Just nervous.

I am ok

Feb. 9th, 2009 10:25 pm
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
While my intention was to sit down and update LJ, I've been playing on my computer for 40 minutes in complete distraction ;)

It's been awhile...

I went internal for several weeks. Some would argue it was more over a month. But it was good. Last week was the end of it. Monday was pure hell. Probably one of the worst days in several months. But then... it was like hitting bottom and the moving up from there.

I had a dream last Sunday. Actually, it really was more of a nightmare.

I was in a bed and hands were restrained to my sides in a loose T shape near my shoulders. (I realized I was actually sleeping in this position when I awoke) Three people were in the room all doing their own thing yet I didn't feel alone or uncomfortable. Two people walked out. I then realized that my "restraints" were not leather or rope, but a spider's thread. A very large (2 inches big!) white and grey spider then crawled towards my wrist and was trying to bite my wrists and hands. Obviously I was freaking out and kept trying to flick it off. Sometimes I managed to stretch one hand across to the other side to flip the spider away but the webbing that bound me (it was like small strands of rope) then somehow reinforced itself and my hands were once again bound. There was one person still in the room and started begging her to help me. She said she would but never moved... I kept whimpering "please" and begging her to help me as I continued to attempt to avoid the spider's bite. I woke up and finally was able to move my arms which I realized had actually been "restrained" by the dream-state which had added to the intensity of the dream.

I figured this out on Thursday... and I think that broke me out of silence. While there is still much for to me work on in relation to the dream, the realization of what it meant helped trigger something in me that allowed me to start externalizing again.  I'm still pondering much. But I can honestly say that much and many revalations have occured since then. I'm doing better. Much better. Things in my life are turning towards a new direction.
  • School Applications are all in. I am confident in these and know even moreso that if I don't get in, I have a plan. Eventually I will reach my goal. It's just a matter of the path I need to take to do so.
  • Things in my personal life are doing well, mostly because I started to make some major changes in how I think about and approach relationships. I started to make changes in me which have resulted in a much better worldview of my life. I realized that I am ok alone. If I want to be with someone that is different. But I don't "need" someone in a relationship. I can want them, but I do not need them.
  • I also realized that I need to be more careful with my Trust. And I will not be hurt again in the same way. The keys to my heart are available...but they have to earned. And that will take Time, more than anything.
  • I am still working things out in several elements. It's gonna take time I know. And I may make a few wrong choices along the way... and I know that not everyone (as I well know) will like some my decisions along the way. But I need these people to keep me on my toes. To keep my eyes open.
Ultimately, I know that I am ok.

It's been a long time since I could say that.


Dec. 11th, 2007 08:39 pm
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
I have found the remedy to any depression... bagpipes! *geep* I need bagpipe music!!!

ok wow...

Nov. 15th, 2007 02:57 pm
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)

Horoscope for today...
Your traditional planetary ruler Mars is energizing your 9th House of Travel and Education for the rest of this year, motivating you to get up and go somewhere for fun or to learn something new. Enrolling in a course can lift you out of a current rut, but this isn't just about improving a technical skill. Use this time to develop your intuition through meditation, music or some other form of art.

Ok.. the odd thing about my horoscope today is that Mom and I met this morning for coffee and breakfast and talked about  this already... (Food was also a good thing, as I'd unintentionally not eatten much yesterday.)  We talked about balance in my life... the balance of work, interaction with people, my home space, social outlets, and intellectual outlets.

She made the comment that she'd been thinking of how much time alone I have... I work alone in the office.. and will now do that even moreso; and I live alone in my house. I spend an average of at least 10 hours a day alone (not including sleep)... and that is on an otherwise social day, assuming I go out with friends or have some outside event.  I have interactions on the phone with people, and through the computer via chat... but that is as close as I get. Giving the aquatic personal training is a good thing, as it does get me out... even with the hour to two hour drive.

We talked about looking into some additional options that would challenge me intellectually, as that is the one thing that is lacking. So I sent out an email to another local contact about possible teaching opportunites that she might be able to help me network.  If that doesn't work, I also can just consider tutoring, or even mentoring through an organization. I also am going to look at taking some 'fun' classes from lcc or mott. Primarily I was looking at either a water color or ceramics class... The water color is more of what I would prefer as I know that would lead a bit more of an emotional outlet too...  I don't know I'll find something that works, but I figured I can see what's available. 

I also may considered an excellerated masters program... I really don't want this as much... even though it would a great deal to my credentials for a Ph.D. But I also don't want to burn out before I even start a Ph.D. program... and that is my fear.   Another option is to go back for my B.A. in Economics... which is really only a few classes away.  I put a call to UM-Flint and it looks like I only need 21 credits in electives for an Economics degree... I already have 6 or 9 of those electives... so I think that is the best game plan...

So... I think I'm going back to school... just a single class here and there, and I'm going to complete my B.A.  I think that's a good idea. It will also add a lot to what I want to study for my Ph.D... since it's looking at business through the eyes of economics.  I think I could be proud of that degree too... which would be nice.  I'm also going to look to see if teaching at Baker is an option.  I have a local networking contact who would fully support me and may be able to get me an 'in'.  I also am going to look at classes in watercolor...just for fun.   Not all of these necessarily have to happen... but I at least need to get my feelers out there. 

(and hence the wow with the horoscope....)


Oct. 27th, 2007 09:45 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Today I'm 30. Funny thing is, I've been writing "30" for my age lately (on accident-then changed back to 29), so it's not a big transition...and I think I'm ready for it...which all seems odd.

It's been a long year... and a huge year of change. The changes began last October. They were subtle at first, and then got dramatic. And many significant changes followed. Changes I don't and cant regret. I know the changes won't end. I don't want them to. Because that makes me stagnant... but I do want things to calm down again... And I think they might.

At least this year begins well. Today I have bacon, a rainbow ballon, and my mom, Casey & Lindsay at the house... It was nice to wake up with all of them. Tonight is dinner and the bar, and tomorrow mom & I leave for Italy.

Italy is a much needed escape. I need to just get away and get my head clear. And I know that this space is good for more than just me. I've learned a lot this year. And as chaotic as its been, I still do not regret the changes and decisions I've made.

So... off I go. To Italy...and into my 30's. :)
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Well... the good part is that the garage sale is over AND it was a huge success. I guess on average, a garage sale brings in like $300... we brought in (as a group) four times that. :) Yeah for the best garage sale EVER! I made enough to cover the cost of my GMAT plus buy a new pair of jeans... which are sorely needed since the only pair that kinda fits me... (and are still baggy) have a torn knee. Yay for shopping!

So, life is good. :)

We did have one major event which involved a women in spandex... Carrie so wisely stated... "If you have an ass in the front and in the back... you shouldn't be wearing spandex..." *grin* And seriously, I'm not a judge of character based on fashion sense... (I wouldn't have had friends for quite a few years had that been the case...*smile*) But when your personality matches your outfit, something is seriously wrong. She kept barganing me down over $0.25!!!! I was like 'seriously women...if you need the damn quarter that bad... I'll pay you for taking this shit.' I really didn't say that... But she kept asking for lower and lower prices... like 1/4 of the cost listed... She kept yelling the prices to her mother who was in the car, "Now they want $1.00 for it!" Then she decided to buy none of it and left! As she was storming off, I remarked loudly "Thank you for putting your things away." Her response was "You're welcome." I dunno... but yeah... a black t-shirt over cream colored TIGHT spandex (really...I could see her underwear line in front and back... and she was little by NO means... )I think my father, not to mention the rest of us... was severely traumatized. ;) There was one family who was there during all of it... they eventually came to pay and I stated it was a quarter for the book... the one daughter just looked at me dead-pan and said, "What? It isn't free?" She broke into a smile and we all laughed. *grin*

So it was memorable if nothing else. It was good... I wouldn't do it again for a few years... as mom said, maybe right before I leave for school in two years... Cause it is a lot of work. This one was worth it. We had a lot of high ticket item that got a lot of attention. The first day was the best and I am completely exhausted. My house is kinda trashed and I know I won't get to cleaning it for awhile cause... well... I've been home more this weekend than I have in months. It was a good thing, but I would like an escape. ;)

But all in all... I feel good after this weekend. I feel really good.


Aug. 19th, 2007 08:57 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)

Cutting my hair so psycho-sematic for me... It cuts away the parts of me that I need to get rid of. And I cut a way a lot. I needed a dramatic change. And I've decided to just leave the color. I like it for now. 

This also helped me make, and see that I needed to make some decisions about my life. And I made them. And I will work on them. Because I need to make myself happy. Not put my happiness in others and my surroundings. I need to make changes. Because I need to pull myself out of this (mental) space. And only I can do it.

And I'm tired of bringing others down. It's time to be me again. And I know I can be. I know this isn't immediate, after all, it took a long time to sink so low...  but I will be ok. In fact, in the end, I'll be better than ok. I know I'll be good. And I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again. I guess, to say it simply, I have hope again. 

And I will keep thiscandle burning.

nirvelli_lynn: (Default)

My plans for the weekend, (and end of the week) kept changing and plans faded in and out, so finally, on Friday, I decided to spend the evening at mom's. After my meeting in Lansing, I came back to Owosso and had dinner with Dadra. Then I went back to mom's and unloaded the scooters from the suburban, and decided that I wanted to do my hair... I wanted to straighten it, so I did was had been recommended and did it myself, with a bit of help from mom. Then we cut about 3 inches off. :)  I'm really happy with the result. I needed a change and I've felt better ever since.

I have a tendancy to depend, and wait on other people. For help, advice, and sometimes even permission. I need to just take things in my own hands and do it myself. I need to simply depend more on myself and less on others. And I'm refering more to internally than with this case. I just need to find my own stregth to take action.

So Saturday, my plans has once again changed, and so I decided to head over to Jim & Nikki's to see if they needed help preparing thier annual bbq.  I was a bit nervous because we hadn't hung out in awhile, but it was a really good move. It was really nice to see and hang out with them... and I missed them. 

So I made fudge, and went with Nikki on some errands and just enjoyed thier company until the party began. A brief game of lawn darts was played - partially blindfolded. (Also, it was the pre-banned lawn darts which alway makes the boys happy.)Then the boys started to prepare and create the course for "Extreme Croquet"... Half the party guest were assigned Job Descriptions... I was the "Course Manager (#)"  (we all had to choose a the ball master was.. well... it was a boy after all....).  Nikki was the "Genetic Engineer" and her tummy had the lable "Genetic Engineering Assistant". Dadra was the bookie, scorekeeper and bartender. (I put bets on Brice.) Oh and Cory, was just standing around became the "Voyeur".   :)  We also assigned points to each wicket on a scale of 1-5. Also if the shooter got through the wicket on their first try, they got double points. They could also skip the wicket. The first person to win got 12 point, second 10, third 8, then 6,  and the rest got 4 once the course was completed. It started to drizzle, then rain in the first 1/3 of the game, but they all kept playing. :)

The course began on their garage roof where the ball had to roll down a bumpy rug and land inside a tomato plant wire frame (aka a circle). It took several attempts by many people, so there were lots of balls flying around. After the roof there was a door on a saw horse with a wicket at the top... that ended up being impossible and everyone skipped it to go to the wicket surrounded by foam was harder than it looked. Then there was a long halfpipe of metal that the shooter had to go up and come down. That was doable but also skipped by many. The giant wicket was easy (a sawhorse). The then was a platform that lead to another door, this one was flat and there guide a bowling pin, and a wicket at the end. Unfortunately the rain made things a bit more difficult on this one but some people still managed. The next was again impossible as it involved a ramp and a landing strip to the next wicket.  Then we went around the house to several easier wickets (a long tube, a wicket under a bush, and a wicket in the driveway).  As my role in Course Manager, I managed to get things flying once we got past the ramp/landing strip. Some people were making their way around the house and I yelled out who was next (following the order by color). It was great that we were able to fly at that point... cause I was wet and getting cold. ;)  

In the end, Brice won. YAY!!! So I got my $2 bet returned to me plus $3 winnings (we split the profit since Cory, Brice and I all had bet on him).  After croquet, I left the party and went to mom's where Casey & Lindsay were visiting. They had just returned from California and there were pictures to share. It was nice. They had a really good trip and it sounded like a fun adventure. 

So, I made my own fun that day... And... I really enjoyed it. Which was much needed. I genuinely, enjoyed my day

nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Last night was softball, coffee and harry potter. I was supposed to be at Harry at 9ish, but made it around 10:30. Dadra has more devotion than I ever thought possible, and was in line by 6:30... we were first in line needless to say... however, by the time I arrived, the line litterally went outside the theatre about 200 yards, all the way to the street. The movie was good, better than I expected actually. Much less depressing than the book. And I got to bed before 3am which was nice.

Softball was good. It was close game though we lost in the end. I was going to go out with the team to the "5" but I call from Kate who needed to talk. We met at Wired and I stayed longer than I intended, but it was needed. She left feeling better and I could see that she was better. Good.

Today I have a meeting at 6pm with Katie W. Mom should be there too... Mom seems a bit more edgy/neurotic than usual, but we do well in professional mode so it will be good. I may need to mow my lawn today... if not, it will need to happen this weekend.

I also lowered the price of the house... so that is done. And canceled the open house... I just wasn't ready. I know it's not about me and what I have... but I want the house to look nice and there is too much stuff I need to go through (the boxes in the living room). Perhaps this weekend since I'm not going up north. Yes... Saturday. Maybe I'll ask Dadra for help.

I'm also still a bit angry with Erica... apparently... since talking about the house and sorting (in reference to her not being there/helping) I tend to get angry. It's so wierd because I don't do anger... So wierd... I wish I could make it all go away... the anger... Oh well... I just hope that I can get rid of this whole situation with the house soon... because dealing with it all... is difficult... and sometimes draining.

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Jul. 6th, 2007 01:20 pm
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
I am in shock... because life just sometimes does that...

I had a quiz on myspace that I filled out yesterday, and one of the questions was...'what is one of the meanest things you've done..." and I mention that there was this boy in 5th grade who liked me... and I was kinda mean to him... like.. I constantly kicked his shins to keep him away from me... (It was mean, I know... and also slightly sadistic)...

That boy just FOUND ME on myspace... TODAY. Seriously universe... Can you can get any more ironical???? SERIOUSLY????
*much hugs and love*


Jun. 22nd, 2007 10:11 pm
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
I spent my evening with 'the boys'. It was nice... had some wine (just a little actually... my stomach didn't like it too much) and chatted until nearly 10pm... They had their Boy Party which went really well apparently. Dadra was also there... and mostly it was just the four of us, and mom, with a bit of Tran (Tavi's brother), and a bit of the neighbor.

I have been working on mix... actually... several are in the works. But one is primary. Ginger's mix actually added a lot and changed the tone quite a bit. It's... umm... not exactly easy listening. But it's good. The intent is that it is not for me, but it is too... in that ... making it helps me along the way, kind of way... Nonetheless, it really is a bottle of wine with yourself kind of mix. 

As result (of making the mix and recieving Ginger's Mix), I've been more reflective in the past few days. I've... been letting go a bit more... bit by bit. I think I'm just to a place now, where I can actually handle facing some things that I've ignored.  With... everything... the chaos... the emotion... the just... adjusting to life... I couldn't handle facing myself, inside, before now...  And now, I'm even considering packing some things up soon. If I ask the question, "Am I ok?"  I'm starting to believe it... that I am. Sometimes.  I'm not sometimes. I know this... most of these times are alone. Since the only way to really face this is alone. But slowly, even alone times, are getting better. Slowly.  It gives new meaning to the fact that we all have our own struggle... and to really become whole again, we have to seek inside ourselves, before we can seek outside of ourselves... it's nice to be able to (begin to) see again.
nirvelli_lynn: (Valerie)

Yesterday was just fun! 
I ended up taking the day off work due to several personal appointments. I had an early morning apt with my homopathic doctor, Dr. Page. I officially have a clean bill of health from both my doctors (the M.D. and the homepathic dr). Yeah!!! finally after 2 years... my system in finally out of wack. This made me happier than I could even express.   I then took my car into the dealership to see about its idoling so low in the morning... basically it wouldn't do it, so I have to leave it there overnight sometime.  My counceling apt went really well too. Yeah! Basically I'm finally not "handling" life... but planning it... much less reactive and more just enjoying and planning (proactive I guess)... it's a nice change. I have more control about what is going on and how things affect me. It's a very good place to be.

Softball rocked! I actually got a base hit...AND didn't get anyone else out!  wOOt!!!! So geeked!  I also did a good job catching.  While the ball did manage to stay away from my face, my knee took one hell of a hit. The bruise isn't bad... but it hurt (and still hurts a bit) like a bitch. It was worth it though. I got to play the whole game too... which was really kewl. We lost the game 12-8, but we did really well and some great hits.  And we have the best fans in the world!  They actually made me loose complete concentration at one point! I can't even imagine the look on my face. ;)

After the game, 1/2 the team went out to the 5. I officially (and with permission) renamed Kate to Kāt (pronouciation the same, just different spelling) and She & I were quite the trouble-makers. ;)  We talked about a wide arrange of things, pasts, life, people... We watched the lesbians on parade... (There were some cute ones even...) And I even convinced her she needed to catch because I get the best view on the field. ;)  I won't trade though...*grin*  We also decided on clothes for the next practice... *grin* this will be fun. 

I finally got home around midnight and got a text from Erica. She was ok... there are still so many changes we are adjusting to... and while I'm glad we didn't talk, but just text messaged, it was a good conversation. 

Things are good. I am good. There is still much to be done... but it's really nice that things are finally "good" again.

nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
You may feel quite confident about your place in the world today. You can use this optimism to amass power, although you can also be motivated by non-material goals. The temptation now is to reap rewards from the seeds that you have sown over the past years. There is nothing wrong with this as long as you realize that your search for meaning does not need to be sacrificed in the process. 

I had a long coversation with [profile] warsoplast night.  Basically among the main points that we talked about, she suggested that I write a business plan for my life... like the next year or so, with different plans for the future depending on events that I can't control (like if the project takes off, or it doesn't). I like the idea. I think it will really help. Plus, if I included some pre-plan and Phase II goals which would extend into things like school, moving, all that, I could get a much better idea of what I want... and honestly that is the big question.  I don't know if I want to leap yet. And some of her suggestions inlcluded leaping.... In fact... there is much I don't know. There are a lot things I have here, in Michigan, that I like, enjoy, and would miss.  I will eventually leap in some capacity... how much... where to... and... when... are the questions.
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
I've kinda withdrawn from a lot of people over the past few months... specifically, those closest to me. And while I feel bad for doing so... I needed the space. Because... no matter what the circumstances are... when something ends... that you thought wouldn't... you feel like you failed.

And I've felt like I've failed. And this has been really hard to get over. Because I know life happens. And I know things change. And they did. And I don't regret the changes... but I still felt, like I'd failed... even if I shouldn't have felt this way.

And I know I've pushed people away... I haven't spoken to people in months. And a myspace message nearly made me cry... as I realized it was time to stop running. Reality is here... and I know these changes have affected me. I know I will be better for these changes. They still hurt sometimes... and I wish I didn't put so much in other people.. what they thought... but in the end... it was me feeling like I'd failed myself.

But I can't help this... and as much and I want to cry right now.. because I do... I know that I did not fail. I did not fail. it's sad... things changed... but I did not fail.

And it's time to come out of my shell. Albeit ... slowly. :)
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Another thing I didn't get a chance to mention on Saturday was that after the mini concert (which was singing in a gymnasium, ick!) I stopped by Schulers to see Maria sing. Unfortunately she wasn't singing for awhile so I had to miss it. But I was able to wish her good luck which was nice. ;)  I then met Mom, Casey & Lindsay for Sushi. nummy!  And we walked around the art fair. I got a little sun but thankfully didn't burn. 

Sunday I slept in late... and didn't get out of bed until after noon. That is SO rare it's beyond me. But I wasn't sleeping the whole time... I actually woke up at 10:30. but I've been spending a lot of time in bed lately.. just thinking. The morning has become, like my thinking time... when I just reflect on everything going on in my life, think about different scenarios, and just settle in for the day.  It's nice and I like the time. So I spent much of my morning "thinking" and later read a bit.  After finally crawling out of bed after my mom called and offered me lunch, I went over to her house. 

We had a new evaluation at 3 in Flint. The eval went well, I think. I'll do be editting the video tomorrow.  It was interesting because the guy is 23 and is an incomplete C3-C5... but he presents even more involved than he is. But when you get him in the water, he has more movement than you would expect. Unfortunatly, his upper body is really weak so we have to help remedy that immediatly. He comes off as cocky, but there is a lot of fear there... I need to be able to push him, yet make him feel secure when I work with him. 

After the eval, I had softball practice. Only 8 of us where there so it was a short practice. After practice, I hung out at wired for awhile and finished my book. ;) Yeah for Lazy Sunday.
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)

I'm back from Chicago... right now my emtions are running a bit high... for  a large variety of reasons. I had several conversations with Erica, one  good and one kinda ok. But I will work all that out, with time.  I have my counceling apt today... and in the past week I've had many realizations bout my life, direction, and emotions.  It's been a "productive" week emotionally if that makes any sense.  I've started to feel myself come out of the fog... or maybe, I've just started to feel again. About life. My life... where it's going. I have so many major decisions to make. the biggest one is school. And location.  Because I am selling the house. I'm scared that it will leap off the market and get sold, which will make it so I have to move immediately. But it is the right decision.  If I'm there for awhile, I can deal with that too.  I should start looking for options in Lansing. That is something I need to start researching. Just in case.  Food is still a struggle. Every other day seem the pattern.  I don't binge, but I don't eat either. I'm working on it.  I'm even off my trancor right now... and with surprisingly doing ok. Good. The nice thing is that I have them if I need them.  My life has turned in so many directions that I'm still struggling to keep up... but I'm starting to do ok. Just starting... but it's good.

nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Saw Spider Man last night at the midnight showing. I wasn't thrilled about going because of the expected lack of sleep. But the show was decent, and I woke up feeling a lot less tired than I expected. I think I will ceregem this morning since my spine is wonky and that also gives me more energy. I don't have any apts today so I'm also at the office alone all day. That's nice too.  This morning I have had my UltraMeal for breakfast and I've been doing well at consistantly having that. Yesterday I had such a random variety of foods... all of which probably didn't add up, but I also had movie popcorn which is always high in points. It's funny, because my appitite is so small now. I ate 1/4 (maybe 1/3) of a large popcorn and was done. Wednesday at dinner mom ate more nachos than I did... and it's wierd. 

I'm really geeked about the dinner party on Saturday. It's now a Cinco de Mayo party thanks to the help of [profile] hardfemmedivaI don't do mexican on my own... so this makes it much the more fun. Plus she's geeked about the whole "themed" party. ;)  I think we'll have 9 people 'ish'

So far we have: Dadra and boy (Carlos), Boy's roommate and friends(1-2), Jess, Carrie (?), Stephanie & Ade (??), Nicole, and me. So the total is 7-11 people. Carrie may stop by but won't know until basically the last minute. Stephanie & Ade I have to call today, and Dadra/Carlos' friend Keith is also a question. So we'll see.... I guess, I just plan for extra. ;)  Leftovers are a good thing in anycase. Oh! And I learned that Carlos is not a Taco Bell Mexican. ;)  

Tonight I must clean and go shopping. That is the big goal. And then off to Lydia's 'unofficial' graduation party. I prolly won't be out late with so much going on, but I look forward to seeing and celebrating with her, Ben and the group at large. It's been a long time since I've seen most of that crowd so it should be interesting. 

OH! And in other news, I go to Chicago next week. I should probably book a hotel actually... yikes. But I'm going for a training. It's nice because instead of going to a 3-day training in SoCo, (which would have been hella expensive with flights and all that) I get a one on one next week. It just worked out which is awesome. Plus, I don't have to fly to Cali... cause right now, not exactly what I want to do... but a train to Chicago land... and 2 day trip. That I can do. :)
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Today I woke up to a phone call and was at the office within 10 minutes... yeah... next time I have a 7am meeting, it's good to set your alarm. I'm going home at lunch to shower.  Thankfully I was only 10 min late, and have a lot of flexibility since the meeting was just with my mom.  So all is well.  I have to place an order for Metagenics (related to the conference on Satruday) and at least know what I'm doing today.... yesterday was kinda non-productive...

I also got a call from Erica yesterday... it was a in a panic over an incident with China. And she was well within her rights to call, and I'm glad she did. What we will do with China is up in the air. Hopefully nothing will happen, but there is a chance I may have to come and take the dog. I'm not thrilled about this prospect... actually, I'm *anti-thrilled*.  I really don't want the responsibilty of China. But I may not have a choice. *le sigh*  So, atm, I'm just hoping that nothing changes. 

In addition to showering over lunch, I have to go to Dunham's to buy a softball glove.  Though I did find clothes which are cute and will totally suffice. :)   After Softball, it's immediately off to an informal (thank gods) business meeting in Owosso. 
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I realized I haven't done a general update in awhile.

Basically, life is a roller coaster. Erica didn't get the detoit job (after they said she had it). She has a second interview for Ottawa Cty (west of GRR) and Isle of Wright in Virginia is going to fly her down for a face to face interview. She already did a phone interview. With all this going on, I decided not to sing with Sistrum this March. Too much goings. I'll be back possibly as soon as next week.

I'll be quite happy to say goodbye to February. It's been rough month. The office has been at a stalemate with no word from Katie Hurley. No idea what's the story at this point, but we're trying to find new directions to move towards. The facility development as result has been frozen and frustrating. Feb is so NOT a month of moving. (Other than Jess... who just got a new apt.)

I have managed to loose a lot weight this month. I finally broke 180. Actually it didn't break it... I kinda flew through it. I weigh in again tomorrow, but last week I lost 6lbs. Amazing what stress does. I've been getting only my basic points in and not even touched my flex points. Desire not to eat just makes it easy. The neat thing is, I've managed to fit my ass into two pairs of pants I've not been able to wear for nearly a year. That's a nice feeling. I look kinda little :) Plus, my face has gotten thinner. It's nice to feel pretty. And finally, I'm back to my comfortable chest size. I hate that my chest gets bigger if I do... but even that's back to where I'm comfortable. So physically, I'm getting comfortable in my own skin again. While all the other chaos, both internal and external is going on... it's nice to have something positive.


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