nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Tears of loss
Shrugging off

the History

the Past

what Was

Afterall... it didn't last
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
My mom found this... apparently it's something my brother wrote when he was 15... I'm posting this both for me... and because I know that I'm not the only one who needs to read this.

Denial of what happens slows down the process of self discovery.
Acceptance of what happens is essential to the discovery of truth.
Happiness is what we fear the most,
peace somehow a luxury which we feel we cannot afford.
We are not always aware of what a tremendous effect not only our actions,
but also our thoughts have on our environment.
The shadow in each of us is not to be feared,
but to be better known.
We speak of the individual and the universe
but within the individual there is a universe as well.
The true church is in one's own heart.
The soul must be freed whatever the cost
A teacher teaches the student to teach himself.

Casey Owen Ray

Four Years

Apr. 12th, 2007 09:57 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Four years to the Day I was with you
Four years of my life is now gone
Four years to the Day you were my partner
And now, on this day, we are done

I knew the day... I couldn't forget
April 11th - two days after we met
When we talked today. I wanted to say "Happy Anniversary"
But the words from my mouth... got stuck instead

And you called back. I knew it was the end
You had even said, you didn't know where we stand
I didn't want to talk, but it was time for the change
And I think it crushed you more, as I was crushed beforehand

You say you have regrets. that I mishandeled your heart
I didn't bother to speak. It wasn't worth the effort
You need to see yourself the victim, and I'm ok with this
For you saw the immediate, while time killed me in little bits and parts

So the end is here
Cut and dry we're over
The heaviness will subside
Leaving what? I'm not sure I will find
Sadness. Emotion. Loss. And grief
Acceptance. Love. Learning. And taking the memories with me

For four years we were together
Four years to the Day
I will not regret. Though I cry for the loss
I will find my way


Apr. 11th, 2007 04:44 pm
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
i am a bit precarious
As so often i put myself on the line
i tend, to be, too open, than not
with all my insecurities on the outside
i often wonder, is this a benefit or fault?
To be so open.
To wear my heart, my life, on my sleeve.
Does this make me a target... or not


Apr. 5th, 2007 11:17 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Finding Stability. Stone. somewhere Inside. Being of water, this is more difficult than I
Would have guessed
So life is Shattered around me. Externally I’m flawed.
So it’s suggested to seek Inside. And find my own Space to call
Because seeking Peace in others, creates a volatile state
And with so much around me. Chaos. It’s Time to remedy this Place.
So I’ll Travel Inward. with Outward helps to guide
And find the Peace I need to find
Solidity Inside


Apr. 5th, 2007 11:08 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
Tired, dried out tears
Emotions running dry
Time to seek for Solace
By taking time Inside
While I hate this place, This being me.
I know Only I can Change
So I’ll take the lead
And walk right in
Amidst the fear and rage
Hoping to fine what I’m looking for
Hoping to find it Soon
Cause I’m a lot worse off not Knowing
And change needs a catalyst to Bloom.


Apr. 4th, 2007 08:12 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
I have so few words. Here. curled up in a ball laying on my bed. Emptiness entralled. My toes are cold my eyes are wet. And I have no more tears left to shed. Chaos shattered. Everything I know. My life. My work. My love all tossed into the fold. I was prepared for some of this. I knew of life and love. But to top it with the last element, crushed me from above. And I now I feel of nothing. and don't understand why I am here. Because disbelief's overwhelming and that I must come to grips with this, is clear. I'll find my stable ground again. I can't just sit in defeat. Even if I have to let go of everything, I won't let this control me.


Apr. 4th, 2007 08:05 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
A moment of weakness
Curled up in a ball
As my life shatters around me
And I cry on my bed, overhwhelmed by it all
Crushing blows
Malicious force
Why now?
Why you?
Do this endorse
What have I done to deserve this upheval
As every aspect of my life is in chaos revealed
Hagal - the rune of destruction. My present, future and past
When will it end? I want to plead, don't let this last.
For this
It all
Everything I know
It's killing me to be here. In this place of unknown
For stability is shattered
My life a facade
And I'm grasping at air
Nothing left
But mask which too soon will break when its thawed


Apr. 2nd, 2007 08:06 am
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
My life a melancholy of love and pain, as time grows thin and I remain
Muses are vocal, though time stands still. And I write as chaos disspates into the quill
Love of fickle thing and Life a journey barely begun. The roads ahead have fork and bridges and battles to be won.
For nothing comes easy. 
Nothing without cost. 
The probability a gamble, to win or become lost. 
The journey is long, though time runs short. As the wheels keep turning, No matter your retort
Take the risk. Take the loss
For winning is illusinve. 
But in the end, worth the cost
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
I don't know if my muse is back... but I have written more in the past few weeks... (a total of just 2 things... though the inspriation has been there to write more) than I did in the past two years. Maybe it's just life... kicking my ass a bit.
nirvelli_lynn: (Default)
The way of Truth
And the way of Love
In the depths from Above
Beyond this moment
Beyond the past
Lies a Future of us
As the di is caste
And as the water flows to the sea
So joins our love eternity


nirvelli_lynn: (Default)

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