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nirvelli_lynnI met with mom today. This morning. It was good. Not wonderful. But good. I said much of what needed to be said. It wasn't perfect. It never is. But we agreed that we both need space. Actually she said she needed space from me, and I agreed that it was a good idea. So I'm taking next week off... a random paid vacation. I can't complain in some ways... I allows me space. In some ways I hate it.. because work has helped me keep "busy". But I also know this time will be good.
I've decided to go up to Avalon. I'll find somewhere to stay, either with family or my godfather. But I need that place. I always find my bearing there... and I am so in need of bearings. Avalon is my sacred place... "my soul's home" as I've so often called it. And I am so lost... that it's time to go home. So I'm actually thinking of leaving on Sunday at around 12:30 (after Easter Brunch with Dadra, Sandra & my mom) and heading up there. I've got a call into my cousin. I'd only stay for one night and get back in time for Sistrum at 7pm. A short trip... one that may even be repeated later in the week. I don't know. But I need to go Home. And I need to go now. I know this will help. It will reboot me. It will allow me to stabilize.
I can't stabilize at my house Nadyne. I know what you're saying about making my house.. mine... and finding stability there... but my house is not my "home"... it is a safe place... I will find a way to make it this... but Avalon is my home. That is where I need to go. And I can take that home with me. Inside. And find stability there... I know it's what I need. And you were right. I need this. I just need Avalon to find and create it.
I've decided to go up to Avalon. I'll find somewhere to stay, either with family or my godfather. But I need that place. I always find my bearing there... and I am so in need of bearings. Avalon is my sacred place... "my soul's home" as I've so often called it. And I am so lost... that it's time to go home. So I'm actually thinking of leaving on Sunday at around 12:30 (after Easter Brunch with Dadra, Sandra & my mom) and heading up there. I've got a call into my cousin. I'd only stay for one night and get back in time for Sistrum at 7pm. A short trip... one that may even be repeated later in the week. I don't know. But I need to go Home. And I need to go now. I know this will help. It will reboot me. It will allow me to stabilize.
I can't stabilize at my house Nadyne. I know what you're saying about making my house.. mine... and finding stability there... but my house is not my "home"... it is a safe place... I will find a way to make it this... but Avalon is my home. That is where I need to go. And I can take that home with me. Inside. And find stability there... I know it's what I need. And you were right. I need this. I just need Avalon to find and create it.
